What to Do When You Feel Like a Failure

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Have you been trying to manifest your dreams and goals, but feel like you’re getting nowhere?

It’s easy to start feeling like it’s your fault or like you’re failing somehow when things don’t seem to be going your way.

But what if I told you that feeling like a failure is actually a common experience and can even be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery?

This blog post will explore what to do when you feel like a failure, including how to shift your perspective and actionable steps you can take to move forward on your manifestation journey.

Note: This blog post is intended for informational purposes only. If you find yourself struggling with overwhelming emotions or difficulties functioning in your daily life, seeking professional help from mental health professionals is important. They can provide the support and guidance you need to address any mental health issues.

The Psychology Behind Feeling Like a Failure

Feeling like a failure can take a toll on your mental well-being. It’s not uncommon for people to have such a hard time navigating these emotions, which can come from unrealistic expectations and negative perceptions we may hold about ourselves

Understanding the psychology behind these feelings can help you to reframe them into powerful learning opportunities. Below are some key insights into the psychology of perceived failure.

1. Comparison

Being social creatures, humans naturally compare ourselves to each other for confirmation and reassurance of our place in society. Unfortunately, these evolutionary behaviors can spiral into a detrimental cycle — especially when you find yourself measuring your success against the accomplishments of others.

It can be easy to look at those who appear more successful or have achieved what you want, and react with feelings of low self-worth. According to research, this tendency to compare ourselves to others can increase feelings of low self-esteem and inadequacy.

Social media and other forms of media make this problem even worse. The curated images of success can intensify feelings of social anxiety and the belief that you are not enough.

Even when you are making meaningful progress in your own life, the constant exposure to idealized versions of others can lead you to feel like a failure anyway.

2. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

The self-fulfilling prophecy is a powerful psychological concept that reveals how your beliefs about yourself can shape your reality. When you repeatedly tell yourself that you’re a failure, it reinforces a negative self-image that leads to doubt and poor self-worth.

This cycle can influence your decisions and actions unconsciously. For instance, if you believe you lack the skills to succeed in your career path, you may avoid pursuing opportunities that could lead to growth.

People with a negative self-concept are more likely to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, thereby perpetuating their feelings of failure. If you approach tasks with the mindset that you’re destined to fail, you’ll probably underperform or give up more easily — confirming the belief that you are, indeed, a failure.

3. Unrealistic Expectations

Many of us have high expectations for ourselves, especially when it comes to achieving our goals and dreams. However, when these expectations become unrealistic or unachievable, they can generate a profound sense of failure and disappointment.

Research shows that consistently setting unrealistic expectations can lead to emotional distress, which impacts your mental health and overall well-being. Instead of motivating you, these lofty goals can become a source of stress and frustration.

Unrealistic expectations can create a cycle where the pressure to achieve something becomes overwhelming — leading to self-doubt and disappointment when you can’t meet those standards.

This may cause you to start to viewing any setback as confirmation of your perceived failures rather than an opportunity to learn and improve.

4. Fear of Judgment

Often, we worry about what others will think if we fail to meet our goals, pick the wrong career path, or make mistakes. This fear can create a paralyzing effect that blocks you from taking necessary risks or pursuing new opportunities.

Studies have found that social anxiety is linked with the fear of negative evaluation, which can increase feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. As you navigate your life, this fear may lead you to avoid situations where you could potentially fail, and reinforce a cycle of perceived failure that prevents personal growth.

When fear holds you back from taking the next steps towards your goals, it can reinforce the belief that you are a failure and further erode your confidence.

woman watching sunrise on bench

5 Questions to Reframe Feelings of Failure

Failure is often perceived as an endpoint, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

In fact, the concept of failure is largely subjective. What you see as a failure might be viewed as a valuable learning experience by someone else.

When you reframe failure, you open yourself up to new opportunities for growth and overcome feelings of fear. Instead of fearing failure, welcome it.

The next time you’re faced with something that seems like a failure, try asking yourself the following questions. Ideally, write each question down on paper or in your journal and answer it in as much detail as possible.

Question 1: What caused the failure?

While it’s easy to point blame at others and unforeseen events (and sometimes you might be right), it’s important to know what caused the failure. This will shed light on any areas you may have overlooked.

Like Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

So, you must pick up the lessons from the perceived failure — and rest assured, every failure has a learning opportunity within it if you look hard enough.

Question 2: Could I have fixed it?

You know what they say — hindsight is 20/20. When you look back on a failure, it’s easy to feel like you should have seen it coming.

However, these negative thoughts are often not true because we can only operate with the knowledge that we had at the time. If there were things that you could have fixed to prevent the failure, now you know what you need to do — and you can try again!

In situations where you really could not have done anything different, then see if you can come to a place of acceptance. If you couldn’t do anything about it, there’s no need to be so hard on yourself.

Question 3: Did I do my best?

Sometimes, we sabotage ourselves. For example, have you ever spent more money than you planned to on something? Or procrastinated when you really needed to finish a task?

And then you had to face your credit card bill, or the fallout from not finishing your task, when you know you could have prevented the situation.

It’s important to understand why you’re sabotaging yourself. Very often, it’s due to our ingrained patterns and coping strategies.

Once you understand the behavior loop, you’ll be able to break the loop and act differently. John Assaraf’s book, Innercise is excellent reading if you’re in this situation where you’re causing yourself to fail.

Question 4: What are my options now?

After failure, it’s important to look at where you stand. Are you deep in debt, or are your finances stable? Has your reputation suffered? How’s your health?

In most cases, you’ll find that most consequences of failure can be remedied with time. Even in cases where there is significant debt, you can find a way to work to pay it off.

It won’t be easy, but failure is not fatal. It’s just painful sometimes — but you can move past it, release the negative perception of yourself, and find healthy ways of moving forward.

Question 5: What’s next?

The fifth and final question is simple — what will you do next?

Setting new goals or changing your approach after failure will help to motivate you and lift your spirits. Henry Ford was famous for saying, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again. This time more intelligently.”

It doesn’t matter if your naysayers are laughing or saying they told you so. Those who never make mistakes in their lives usually never try anything new or exciting. It’s true they’ll never experience failure — but they also won’t grow.

woman doing a push-up looking determined

Practical Strategies for Overcoming Feelings of Failure

When you’re caught in a spiral of self-doubt, taking action might feel impossible. But small, deliberate steps can help you climb out of this mindset.

1. Practice Self-Compassion

Practicing self-compassion is helpful when navigating feelings of failure. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes — it’s a universal human experience.

Recognize that these moments do not define your worth. Actually, they offer opportunities for growth and learning. Practicing self-compassion allows you to build a more positive mindset and move forward instead of dwelling on the past.

2. Set Realistic and Achievable Goals

Setting realistic and achievable goals will help you maintain motivation after experiencing failure. Break larger objectives into smaller, manageable tasks, that are specific and time-bound.

This will make the journey feel less overwhelming. Do regular assessments of your progress and celebrate each small victory. This will help rebuild confidence and create momentum towards your goals.

3. Prioritize Personal Growth over External Validation

Instead of seeking approval from others, concentrate on your own evolution and the lessons you’re learning along the way. Journaling is great for this. It allows you to document your personal growth and reflect on your past experiences and future aspirations.

Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher in the area of social work, and she presents a theory of shame resilience. By acknowledging and accepting your imperfections, she has found that this shift can pave the way for connection, empathy, freedom, and power. 

So, when you create a supportive internal dialogue, you can empower yourself to view setbacks not as markers of your worth, but as integral steps in your journey toward success.

4. Think Positive

Your thoughts and focus can significantly shape your reality. What you concentrate on expands, which makes your mindset a critical factor in achieving success.

Positive thinking is not denying reality. Rather, it’s choosing to recognize and explore the possibilities within each circumstance. By being in the present moment and using reframing exercises you can shift negative thought patterns into more helpful ones.

To learn more, check out my blog post on how to cultivate positive thinking to strengthen your manifestation process.

5. Use Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are a powerful way to reshape your mindset and strengthen your self-belief. When you repeat encouraging phrases to yourself, especially if you do this daily, you can replace your negative thoughts with a more empowered perspective.

This will help you combat feelings of failure and lay the groundwork for a more resilient outlook on life.

6. Visualize Success

Visualizing success is a powerful technique that can enhance your motivation and focus — helping you to transform your visions into reality. By creating mental images of your goals, you impress them on your subconscious mind, which will start finding ways to actualize those images.

Incorporate visualization exercises into your daily routine and feel the emotions associated with your success. This can significantly boost your confidence, and over time, lead to increased resilience and a stronger belief in your abilities.

Turning Perceived Failure into Success

Feeling like a failure is a common experience, but it’s not a life sentence. Understanding the psychology behind these feelings and applying practical strategies can help you shift your perspective and move forward with greater confidence.

Remember, failure is rarely as definitive as it seems. It’s a temporary state — not a permanent identity.

Harness the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction to transform your mindset. Consider the insights and tools you’ve gathered here as stepping stones on your path to success.

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